Today is a super duper boring day for me! I woke up at 8am to go to Toa Payoh just to meet Michelle. The plan was a big failure, didn't turn out like how we had expected it to be. Went home after that, decided to do my work and the computer gave up on me. The programme kept crashing, making me feel like just give up and go sleep. I watched HIMYM newest episodes. I have been missing out so many episodes. Woke up and talked to Ayu and a few friends. That is how my day was spent. It was pretty boring! Argh I need to find a job as soon as possible or else I will get autism very soon.
Today is the second day. I guess it is not going to happen. What was I thinking about? I am nothing in your heart. Things are becoming clearer but the truth is so hard for me to accept it. Why do I feel like you are thousands miles away?
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Letting go
Lol, seem like whenever I feel troubled, I will always come back to my blog. No wonder all my posts are always so emotional. Things have not been going great lately. I'm starting to lose trust in everything, people that I called friends, betraying my trust and manipulating me. Sometimes, I wonder why people would do such things, gossiping and spreading rumors. Does doing all those benefit them in any way?
Anyway, I feel lost. My instinct betrayed me. I was so sure you would have feelings for me too. It's always been guys chase after me, take initiatives to talk to me first. But for this time, it's the first time I've ever actually made effort chasing after a guy, took all the initiatives and worst of all, the first guy that I have ever confessed to, rejected me. Well I guess, there's always the first time. I always fear of changing and rejection and now I'm experiencing one. This feeling sucks to the max but I cannot do anything about it. However, I'm not regretting of this failure because I know I've tried my best. I just hope it would gone as soon as possible. I want my normal life back!!!
. I feel tired of everything, tired of trying.
Tonight, I'm letting this feeling go for real.
Anyway, I feel lost. My instinct betrayed me. I was so sure you would have feelings for me too. It's always been guys chase after me, take initiatives to talk to me first. But for this time, it's the first time I've ever actually made effort chasing after a guy, took all the initiatives and worst of all, the first guy that I have ever confessed to, rejected me. Well I guess, there's always the first time. I always fear of changing and rejection and now I'm experiencing one. This feeling sucks to the max but I cannot do anything about it. However, I'm not regretting of this failure because I know I've tried my best. I just hope it would gone as soon as possible. I want my normal life back!!!
. I feel tired of everything, tired of trying.
Tonight, I'm letting this feeling go for real.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
thinking of you
I am so busy lately.
Go to school, then go to work, then go home.
Everyday with the same routine.
I guess it was the best way to keep myself busy and my mind to stop thinking of complicated things
Also to make me forget about how I feel anymore
I was so happy, I made $2000 within a month
I used it to good uses, paying school fee and house fee and other expenses
Anyway, last tuesday I received a facebook message from someone
Was just a simple question but it made my day, wash away all my sadness
But it also makes my heart to go crazy once more time
I start to become stalker and feel happy whenever you reply my texts
I just hope, one day, you will sms me first. Just one text from u a day will make my day
I don't know if I fall in love again too soon or what
Sandy, Don't you feel scared? Don't you feel afraid it may not work out like all the previous relationship you had? What if you would lose another good friend like that again?
Maybe I should let this feeling goes away by itself
Now isn't the right time yet!
Go to school, then go to work, then go home.
Everyday with the same routine.
I guess it was the best way to keep myself busy and my mind to stop thinking of complicated things
Also to make me forget about how I feel anymore
I was so happy, I made $2000 within a month
I used it to good uses, paying school fee and house fee and other expenses
Anyway, last tuesday I received a facebook message from someone
Was just a simple question but it made my day, wash away all my sadness
But it also makes my heart to go crazy once more time
I start to become stalker and feel happy whenever you reply my texts
I just hope, one day, you will sms me first. Just one text from u a day will make my day
I don't know if I fall in love again too soon or what
Sandy, Don't you feel scared? Don't you feel afraid it may not work out like all the previous relationship you had? What if you would lose another good friend like that again?
Maybe I should let this feeling goes away by itself
Now isn't the right time yet!
Friday, June 29, 2012
Safety at work prize presentation
Met up in the morning with my group mates
It was so awkward to walk with him but whatever, I don't care already
Trying my best to pretend everything was fine
Went to McDonalds for breakfast and I had my starbucks at my breakfast
Was damn full after drinking it
Found the Holiday Inn Hotel. It looks kinda grand to me
Was kinda disappointed about the results :(
I got consolation prize :(
Anyway, it worth-ed $1000 so at least I still had $250 :)
Went back school to finish my animation
Then headed to workplace at 4.30pm
And I had to work till 12.30. Omg I was so dead tired after I reached home
Fell asleep on my table
Anyway, I talked to him on Skype and he was kinda busy talking to her
Was really sad but it was my fault for choosing to walk away from him, from the one that loved me so much
I had to wish him happiness and let go of him
Shouldn't depend on him too much yeah
PS: today was kinda normal, nothing made me happy nor really sad :(
It was so awkward to walk with him but whatever, I don't care already
Trying my best to pretend everything was fine
Went to McDonalds for breakfast and I had my starbucks at my breakfast
Was damn full after drinking it
Found the Holiday Inn Hotel. It looks kinda grand to me
Was kinda disappointed about the results :(
I got consolation prize :(
Anyway, it worth-ed $1000 so at least I still had $250 :)
Went back school to finish my animation
Then headed to workplace at 4.30pm
And I had to work till 12.30. Omg I was so dead tired after I reached home
Fell asleep on my table
Anyway, I talked to him on Skype and he was kinda busy talking to her
Was really sad but it was my fault for choosing to walk away from him, from the one that loved me so much
I had to wish him happiness and let go of him
Shouldn't depend on him too much yeah
PS: today was kinda normal, nothing made me happy nor really sad :(
Tuesday
Had charactered animation class
I was expecting cold war
But he talked to me first. It was so awkward
I ignored him
Oh well, not like Im so heartless but Im scared the moment I start talking to him I would lose myself control :(
Anyway, Im so excited about tomorrow, the prize presentation >.<
I was expecting cold war
But he talked to me first. It was so awkward
I ignored him
Oh well, not like Im so heartless but Im scared the moment I start talking to him I would lose myself control :(
Anyway, Im so excited about tomorrow, the prize presentation >.<
Monday, June 25, 2012
Ello! I was so tired yesterday till I couldn't blog. But here I am, blogging about yesterday :)
Woke up like 8+ in the morning, prepared everything and headed to Mount Faber to work
I met Kestler and Egin on the train and we chatted for awhile. I had fun talking to them.
They asked me to organise a Sat outing for this week. I am so stressed. So many things are going on at the same time. My brother is flying back on that day as well.
Managed to get give Kestler my contact so next time he can ask me to go work with the group as well. :)
Lol Egin saved his number in my phone with the smiley face. I find he's kinda weird and funny but cute though XP
Met Erni at workplace. She guided me with everything. It was so nice of her :)
Spending my whole day distributing water and refilling them and making popcorns till my whole body is filled with popcorns smell :)
Finished work at 7pm and headed home :)
Everything thing went well but the only problem I had was my shoes, it hurt my feet so much till I wanna die
Damn you SHOES!
Chatted with anh Thang, my brother, aunty and my bestie for awhile before I decided to go to bed :)
Im a good girl, right? Sleep so early :)
PS:I called you and you were drinking, lol, I think I start to miss you again :(. But I can't express it out. Sigh. It's always so complicated when come to love. Oh well, I think for now I just go with the flow :)
Woke up like 8+ in the morning, prepared everything and headed to Mount Faber to work
I met Kestler and Egin on the train and we chatted for awhile. I had fun talking to them.
They asked me to organise a Sat outing for this week. I am so stressed. So many things are going on at the same time. My brother is flying back on that day as well.
Managed to get give Kestler my contact so next time he can ask me to go work with the group as well.
Lol Egin saved his number in my phone with the smiley face. I find he's kinda weird and funny but cute though XP
Met Erni at workplace. She guided me with everything. It was so nice of her :)
Spending my whole day distributing water and refilling them and making popcorns till my whole body is filled with popcorns smell :)
Finished work at 7pm and headed home :)
Everything thing went well but the only problem I had was my shoes, it hurt my feet so much till I wanna die
Damn you SHOES!
Chatted with anh Thang, my brother, aunty and my bestie for awhile before I decided to go to bed :)
Im a good girl, right? Sleep so early :)
PS:I called you and you were drinking, lol, I think I start to miss you again :(. But I can't express it out. Sigh. It's always so complicated when come to love. Oh well, I think for now I just go with the flow :)
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Went to Harry Potter Exhibition today. I had a great time with Cheryl and Michelle :) Brought the instant camera with me and it couldn't work properly. DAMN! Wasting my effort for bringing it only. lol. Singapore is becoming an oven or something. I swear it's damn hot, I melt everytime I step out of the house. Lol. Harry Potter Exhibition was awesome.
Anyway, I saw someone was tweeting today. Right, karma will knock on the person's door very soon. I don't have to do anything to revenge. I just have to live happily and watch when is your turn to get karma :). I'm sure it will come to you REAL SOON!
For a moment I thought, she had a love for more than 4 years and she can give up. So, why can't I? I will let go this time. This time I feel so sure about my feeling. Nothing special, no more longing for you but just an angry heart for all the things you have done to me.
Ps: Love today! Life is simple if I look at it simpler.
I am so lazy to do the card
I have to go work tomorrow? oh gosh, lazy mode is activated :(
I have to be stronger !
Hello my blog :)
Been long since I last blogged again, hahahaha. I really cannot help it. Im either too busy to blog or too sian to blog XP.
But I promise from now on I will blog everyday so the future Sandy can read back her old days to see how childish and stupid the young Sandy was XP.
Been through many things lately, but the fact I am still here, blogging means I have been able to pull myself together and move on with life. For this moment, life to me is a bitch. I find myself struggling through all the problems it is giving. But oh wells, I won't break down. I am not weak, I am a strong Sandy.
Well, I believe nothing bad will haunt you forever. Bad things come and then good things come after that, right? #mustBelieve
to you: Well I hope you are happy with your life after doing all these to me. I swear this time is the last time I ever give you another chance. I'm done with you. I'm tired of seeing myself crying because of you. I'm sick of reading all my emotional posts since I dated you. No more crying and complete idiot me who always gave you 100% of my heart and efforts for you anymore. NO MORE I PROMISE! and one day I hope karma will come to you and serve you whatever you deserve! This is the last post for you! No more you in my life! Thanks for everything things and all the shits you've done and given me!
Daddy: your sudden death still shocks me whenever I think about it. I really cannot believe that I have lost you forever. I am so sorry for always being so bad to you, for not treating you right :( I really regret all those things. You had been the greatest father. You are so mean to other people but to me, you always treated me like a princess. You always cared for me. Since I came to Singapore to study, you never failed to call me and ask me how was my day. I took you for granted. If only I could turn back the time, I would say how much I love you everyday :(. The only thing now I can do for you is praying for you everyday. Hope you can rest in peace! And don't worry about me. I will grown up, be stronger than ever to take care of mom. She's the dearest person to me now. I will help you take care of her in your place. I won't let anyone hurt her. I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE HURT HER! Though you passed away, but I know, you are always around me, watching over me!
Daddy, I really miss you and love you lots. Thanks for everything you've done for me!
Been through many things lately, but the fact I am still here, blogging means I have been able to pull myself together and move on with life. For this moment, life to me is a bitch. I find myself struggling through all the problems it is giving. But oh wells, I won't break down. I am not weak, I am a strong Sandy.
Well, I believe nothing bad will haunt you forever. Bad things come and then good things come after that, right? #mustBelieve
to you: Well I hope you are happy with your life after doing all these to me. I swear this time is the last time I ever give you another chance. I'm done with you. I'm tired of seeing myself crying because of you. I'm sick of reading all my emotional posts since I dated you. No more crying and complete idiot me who always gave you 100% of my heart and efforts for you anymore. NO MORE I PROMISE! and one day I hope karma will come to you and serve you whatever you deserve! This is the last post for you! No more you in my life! Thanks for everything things and all the shits you've done and given me!
Daddy: your sudden death still shocks me whenever I think about it. I really cannot believe that I have lost you forever. I am so sorry for always being so bad to you, for not treating you right :( I really regret all those things. You had been the greatest father. You are so mean to other people but to me, you always treated me like a princess. You always cared for me. Since I came to Singapore to study, you never failed to call me and ask me how was my day. I took you for granted. If only I could turn back the time, I would say how much I love you everyday :(. The only thing now I can do for you is praying for you everyday. Hope you can rest in peace! And don't worry about me. I will grown up, be stronger than ever to take care of mom. She's the dearest person to me now. I will help you take care of her in your place. I won't let anyone hurt her. I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE HURT HER! Though you passed away, but I know, you are always around me, watching over me!
Daddy, I really miss you and love you lots. Thanks for everything you've done for me!
There are so many things I wanna say it out loud!
So many things that I have done and maybe I will regret it for life!
I'm so lost! I can't tell my feelings anymore. I know it's fading away.
When there is a scar, it can't be cured with simple words. It needs actions to glue it back.
3 more weeks. I guess!
So many things that I have done and maybe I will regret it for life!
I'm so lost! I can't tell my feelings anymore. I know it's fading away.
When there is a scar, it can't be cured with simple words. It needs actions to glue it back.
3 more weeks. I guess!
Sigh! Seem like this is the only place where i can say out my feelings. Im super sad today. I can feel there was something fishy going on and so i tried my luck to check it, hoping that my instinc was wrong. Haiz who knows it really came true. Mixed feelings. What am
I supposed to do? I feel like i have no more strenght to continue to believe in it anymore after so many times i have been deceived. Im such a naive and idiot person. Things will never change, NEVER! I thought as long as i put in effort, care for you more you will not think of her anymore. But somehow somewhere deep in your heart, she is always there. If she were to be here right now, i guess there isnt a place for me at all. What i fear more is really happening now. Haiz! Should i just give up already? Whats the point of holding on and hurting myself again an again? So confused!
What a day!
I supposed to do? I feel like i have no more strenght to continue to believe in it anymore after so many times i have been deceived. Im such a naive and idiot person. Things will never change, NEVER! I thought as long as i put in effort, care for you more you will not think of her anymore. But somehow somewhere deep in your heart, she is always there. If she were to be here right now, i guess there isnt a place for me at all. What i fear more is really happening now. Haiz! Should i just give up already? Whats the point of holding on and hurting myself again an again? So confused!
What a day!
I don't know what I want anymore. It's hard to read my mind and heart. Too complicated!
Should I turn left, turn right or just continue to go straight?
Everything happens for a reason, but I don't see the reasons.
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. It it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. <3
Should I turn left, turn right or just continue to go straight?
Everything happens for a reason, but I don't see the reasons.
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. It it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. <3
16/11/11
Went school early today to edit, compile assignments
Managed to help dear to solve the problems at last minutes :)
Stayed back in school to do animation = SIAN TTM!
I was so exhausted today till I fell asleep on the bus and I almost missed my stop >.<
Received a special call that made my day :)
Really really happy and touched :) though it was simple but at least it showed me something <3
Alrighty, shall go bath and start on my animation again, HAIZ HAIZ HAIZ!
Nights! :)
Managed to help dear to solve the problems at last minutes :)
Stayed back in school to do animation = SIAN TTM!
I was so exhausted today till I fell asleep on the bus and I almost missed my stop >.<
Received a special call that made my day :)
Really really happy and touched :) though it was simple but at least it showed me something <3
Alrighty, shall go bath and start on my animation again, HAIZ HAIZ HAIZ!
Nights! :)
If you happen to see this
I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY I AM SORRY
PS: I AM SORRY
PS: I AM SORRY
11:11 11/11/11
It would just be like any other friday to me if you did not make it become a special day for me.
Thank you so much!!!
Though it was short time spent with you, I was happy :)
You changed and I love your changes <3
Love you lots <3<3<3
I hope we can be like this till the next 11.11.11 ? XP
H.A.P.P.Y <3
Thank you so much!!!
Though it was short time spent with you, I was happy :)
You changed and I love your changes <3
Love you lots <3<3<3
I hope we can be like this till the next 11.11.11 ? XP
H.A.P.P.Y <3
to you
I really really wished I could talk to you anytime, be with you every single moment.
I really never tested you.
I was longing for you to talk to me because I'm afraid that I would disturb you the moment I talk to you so I waited.
I didn't know it turned out to make you sad.
I'm with you because I want to bring you happiness, not sadness.
But still, part of me feel that, you don't belong with me.
You're better off without me.
I really feel it that way. I know I shouldn't think too much but I can't help it.
Please, please be happy! As long as I see you smiling and laughing happily. I'm happy :)
I'm sorry that I gave you the wrong impression that I ignored and tested you today.
Tomorrow, I will try harder.
I really never tested you.
I was longing for you to talk to me because I'm afraid that I would disturb you the moment I talk to you so I waited.
I didn't know it turned out to make you sad.
I'm with you because I want to bring you happiness, not sadness.
But still, part of me feel that, you don't belong with me.
You're better off without me.
I really feel it that way. I know I shouldn't think too much but I can't help it.
Please, please be happy! As long as I see you smiling and laughing happily. I'm happy :)
I'm sorry that I gave you the wrong impression that I ignored and tested you today.
Tomorrow, I will try harder.
#1
Ello my blog!
How are you?!? okay fine, I'm lame hahahahahaha
Well, it's been a long time since my last post huh? I was so busy with everything, school work, work and r/s. It was a total madness for me. I can't balance my life, my thoughts when all of it are clashing together. Anyway, things are clearer now. I know what I should do and what I should not do now. I caused the mess the other day just because of my moment of heat. Well, I can see myself turning into a bitch and that is the last thing I would ever want to happen to me. I was really guilty for what I have done. Besides saying sorry, I don't really know how to amend my mistakes, haiz. Guess things will work out in the end.
Recently, I've been reading your blog and I realized, 15 days, freaking 15 days are all it took for me to start all the tortures on you, being ridiculous to you. Well I never realized it till now. I gave you hell, not some real romantic r/s that you were looking for. I feel so damn terrible and the worst part, I mistook that I treated you well but actually I was wrong. I finally understand why you are becoming like this and treating me like this now. I really deserve it. I won't blame you anymore. It was all my fault, for taking you for granted. Well, I still love you but I have learnt, "if you love someone, set them free, loving the person doesn't mean you must possess the person that you love, that's a selfish act. If you really do love them, you just hope the person you love always be happy. Well, I will pray for you to be happy everyday :). I hope my praying will come true for you :)
Anyway, I manage to survive through a day without texting you, disturbing you. I hope I can do that for the rest of other days though I would love to text you and ask, what are you doing? Have you eaten? But I guess you would be happier without my disturbance. :)
Jia you Sandy, you can do it :)
How are you?!? okay fine, I'm lame hahahahahaha
Well, it's been a long time since my last post huh? I was so busy with everything, school work, work and r/s. It was a total madness for me. I can't balance my life, my thoughts when all of it are clashing together. Anyway, things are clearer now. I know what I should do and what I should not do now. I caused the mess the other day just because of my moment of heat. Well, I can see myself turning into a bitch and that is the last thing I would ever want to happen to me. I was really guilty for what I have done. Besides saying sorry, I don't really know how to amend my mistakes, haiz. Guess things will work out in the end.
Recently, I've been reading your blog and I realized, 15 days, freaking 15 days are all it took for me to start all the tortures on you, being ridiculous to you. Well I never realized it till now. I gave you hell, not some real romantic r/s that you were looking for. I feel so damn terrible and the worst part, I mistook that I treated you well but actually I was wrong. I finally understand why you are becoming like this and treating me like this now. I really deserve it. I won't blame you anymore. It was all my fault, for taking you for granted. Well, I still love you but I have learnt, "if you love someone, set them free, loving the person doesn't mean you must possess the person that you love, that's a selfish act. If you really do love them, you just hope the person you love always be happy. Well, I will pray for you to be happy everyday :). I hope my praying will come true for you :)
Anyway, I manage to survive through a day without texting you, disturbing you. I hope I can do that for the rest of other days though I would love to text you and ask, what are you doing? Have you eaten? But I guess you would be happier without my disturbance. :)
Jia you Sandy, you can do it :)
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